A Tale Of Survival | Dean/Castiel
Jun. 8th, 2011 05:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cashayTitle: A Tale Of Survival
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cashay
Rating: R
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Spoilers: tiny spoiler for 4x17 if you haven't seen it yet
Warnings: mentions of war, wounded in battle (not graphic)
Word Count: 5.846 Words
Summary: Terrible Life!AU. After years of not caring about him Dean finds himself obsessed with the wounded Marine that is a regular at his regular coffee shop. An awkward act of kindness leads to a strange friendship between the two man.
A/N: sorry no beta and I don't have much time which means my editing was probably crap.
Happy Birthdayprincess_aleera ! 20 is a great number and deserves a looong story. I hope you're happy with what my muse threw at me ;)
Dean was a man of routine and one of those routines was to go to the same coffee place every day and order one of the five coffees he absolutely loved there. He had seen employees come and go as well as frequent costumers. But he had gone here every day since he had been hired at Sandover four years ago. By now everyone working here knew him and he got his coffee for free on fridays and on the weekend.
One of the frequent costumers that hadn't gone away – or at least not stayed away – was a black haired guy with piercing blue eyes. He never said much and most of the time he seemed rather rude to Dean.
But he didn't talk to people in coffee shops anyway, especially if they looked like they'd like to kill you. The employees seemed to rather like him though and Dean often watched them engaging in animated chatter with the guy. Well they chattered, the guy was silent.
In the four years he had seen him here he had often wondered where he went when he wasn't coming in for month. Or actually he had wondered for the first few days before he forgot about it altogether until the guy came back in and the employees were all over him with joy. Something he never understood.
But Dean Smith was far too busy with taking care of Sales and Marketing and of his health to waste it on some guy who liked to be gone for half a year or more.
~*~
The black haired rude guy had been gone again, Dean hadn't thought about it for the last... was it six month? Maybe more, maybe less he didn't have time enough in his life to pay attention to people in his coffee shop.
And really he was never here long enough to think of him as a real regular costumer. But he came back and apparently the employees were in love with him or something. If he was honest with himself he was a bit jealous. No one was ever that excited when he came back somewhere. Which might have something to do with the fact that he came here nearly every day.
He had seen the guy from outside and already his mood had dropped a bit. He didn't look forward to hearing the employees being all over the guy. What was so special about him anyway?
But upon entering the coffee shop he noticed the unnatural silence. Unnatural especially for the fact that their favorite customer was back but even for a normal day it would have been far to quiet. Dean wondered what happened to make everyone mood drop so low, had anything happened on the short way from work to the coffee shop? But surely he would have noticed something, right?
He ordered his coffee from a shocked looking blond named Linda who kept looking over to the guy with the short black hair. Even Dean remembered that the guy used to sit ramrod straight all the time but now he was hunched over as if in pain.
For a moment Dean was tempted to ask but... he didn't have time to ask. What he did have time for was to watch him while he waited for his coffee to be ready. His lunch was already in his hands and he was going to sit in the park two blocks from work.
He hadn't wasted time outside at first but his therapist had told him how good it would be for his mental health if he sat between trees and green grass once a day. And a little walk was never bad for the body. Not that Dean walked, he actually took the car even though most people would find it ridiculous. But why waste time on walking when he had more important things to do?
Dean just took his coffee from Linda when Dean's personal coffee shop nemesis moved again, sitting up and pushing a few bills over the counter. He rose and only now did Dean see the ugly scar that went from his left cheek to somewhere under his collar. The short moment he took to watch him get out of the coffee shop was enough to realize that he was limping badly and held his left arm close to his body in a sling. From the way he was moving it was obvious he was in pain.
“What happened to him?” Dean felt himself blurting out before he could stop it.
He turned back to the counter only to encounter Linda's disgusted stare. It made him feel uncomfortable, he hadn't realized he had done anything wrong... And despite the fact that he was always too busy for everything and lacked a real social life Dean wanted people to like him. Or at least not find him disgusting.
James – another employee – took pity on him which was a cue to how pathetic he had to look right about now. But he really had no idea what happened to the guy even though after Linda's reaction he was fairly sure he was supposed to.
“Sometimes you're rather oblivious.” James commented and if he hadn't have to rely on James' information Dean would have scolded him for that. “Mr. Novak was with the Marines for a long time. How long exactly Linda?” He turned to the other person behind the counter but Linda continued to ignore both of them. “Anyway, long time. Hasn't told us what happened to him but he got wounded and has been discharged – honorably. He won't tell us anything but by the way he looks he has to have spend quite some time in the hospital.”
The cheerfulness that normally accompanied even the most boring thing James said had vanished and he looked at the door with a sad expression. That explained a lot, or rather that explained everything. And he realized he had indeed been an ass.
~*~
For the first time he didn't forget about the guy as soon as he was out of his sight. Instead he found his thoughts going back to him, asking himself the most stupid questions. How long had he been with the Marines? Why was he here? Had he family here in Ohio? How bad where his wounds? Why did he come to the coffee shop every day? Had he been wounded in a blast? Had he been taken hostage and tortured? Had he screamed? Had he lay there suffering unable to move? Had he had to get away despite his injuries? Had he been laying on the ground unconscious?
Dean knew those were stupid questions and just sitting around asking them wasn't gonna get them answered. The whole thing kept him from properly concentrating on work too. He promised himself he would look up if any soldier had been taken hostage or had been injured lately in... wherever they send their soldiers these days.
That settled his mind a bit but he still couldn't stop thinking about him. It just angered Dean, making him bitchy and he found himself snapping at anyone talking to him. He didn't even know what had prompted his new obsession with the wounded soldier. He was still rude and got still far too much attention. Okay, that was one of those things he was would have earned him a glare and silence from Linda. However rude he was he had fought for his country and had been injured badly during that fight for freedom. He certainly deserved all the attention that he got.
Which still didn't explain Dean's obsession with him. His shrink was going to have a field day with this...
~*~
The next day he saw 'Mr. Novak' in the coffee shop while he was driving past it, even though it was just past 7 AM. He was tired and considered getting a second morning coffee after staying up half of the night to research on soldiers wounded in service. Wait, no not soldiers Marines. One result of his research was, that he know knew that he shouldn't call a Marine a soldier.
He promptly discarded the thought about a second morning coffee. After staying up all night he didn't need another unhealthy action, he wouldn't want it to become a habit after all.
Maybe he should have done it though since later in the office Dean found he couldn't concentrate on what he was doing either because he was too tired or because his thoughts kept drifting back to this Novak-guy. He really was becoming somewhat of a stalker...
~*~
When he went for his lunch break the Marine was still sitting at exactly the same spot that he had been in when Dean had driven past him this morning. Dean hesitated briefly as he passed him but what the hell was he going to say to him anyway? 'Hey we don't know each other but I've been obsessing about you.'
Yeah that would probably earn him a punch in the face. Instead he ordered his coffee and while standing at the counter he looked over to the man who was still slumped over, head resting on his arms.
“Linda?” he called the blond woman who was currently taking care of his order.
“Yeah?” Dean was still sometimes surprised by her talking to him so casually but he had gotten used to it by now. It probably was due to him being a regular costumer.
“Make one for him, it's on me.” He indicated the Marine with a jerk of his head.
Linda looked genuinely surprised and Dean wondered if he really made such an antisocial impression on people. Well if that was the case it wasn't really his fault. He was a busy man and someone had to keep the economy working so other people could do all their charity things.
He took both of his coffees after paying them – apparently Linda still thought he had some making up to do – and hesitantly approached the table which the wounded man was sitting at. Only when he was already standing in front of him Dean realized he had no real idea what to say.
So instead of saying anything he just put the coffee down on his table and offered a weak smile when the gaze of those piercing blue eyes turned onto him. He felt more uncomfortable the longer that stare went one and if the tilt of the head was any inclination that showed on his face.
Dean wasn't sure what the guy had seen on his face but slowly he nodded and grabbed the coffee with his uninjured hand, pulling it closer to his chest as if it was going to disappear.
“Thank you.” The gravely voice let shivers run down Dean's spine and again he was at loss for words, this time because he couldn't pull himself away from those blue eyes and the way they bored into him.
Novak looked at him for a moment longer, before turning back to his coffee and the table. Dean found himself standing in front of the table like an idiot. He hurried to turn around and leave the shop, oblivious to the way the eyes of the Marine followed him.
~*~
Dean still hadn't found out what happened to the guy. There had been several incidents lately and he couldn't determine in which one 'his' Marine had been involved in. He wasn't really sure when he had started calling Novak 'his' Marine and he really didn't want to think about it too much, it might turn out to be really creepy.
But he saw him every day in the coffee shop where they fell into a rhythm soon. Even though members of the service didn't have to pay for their coffee here Dean got his Marine something fancy every day for lunch. After all Novak just took normal black coffee otherwise and how he knew that Dean didn't want to discuss with anyone.
He would put the coffee down in front of him and Novak would look up, stare at him with those unnerving and far to incredible blue eyes until he saw... something. After that he would thank him and turn to his coffee.
That was Dean's cue to leave and he would end up in the park with his lunch, thinking about blue eyes and black unruly hair that had started to grow longer over the last few weeks. Dean had decided he preferred it over the short military hair cut.
~*~
Things changed when it turned from summer to autumn. For one thing Novak still was sitting there the whole day but now he had his laptop with him and was typing the whole time – unless Dean approached him. Then he would look up and in the same manner as always thank him for the coffee and stare at him until he had found something Dean still didn't understand.
As the weather got from still comfortable to windy and damp Dean found he had to give up his lunch in the park. For a few days he pondered eating in his office but ultimately the decision was made for him by his Marine.
He had just handed him another coffee when the silent man motioned towards the other side of the table. “It's too cold to eat outside.” he informed Dean matter-of-factly before returning to his laptop. Dean stood there baffled and unsure if that was really an invitation for him to sit down with him. He got his answer when Novak tilted his head in an annoyed gesture staring at him until Dean sat down just to escape the intense stare.
~*~
It became a regular thing and not only did Dean buy him coffee every day for lunch he also brought something to eat for him after he noticed that the Marine didn't seem to have or buy anything for himself. The employees of the coffee shop didn't mind it and they better shouldn't after all Dean was probably their best costumer.
One saturday he had passed the shop after he had had something to take care of at work only to find Novak sitting in his usual spot. After that he came in for lunch even on the weekend, no matter if he had work to do or not.
~*~
Sitting and eating lunch in silence with Novak soon became the highlight of his days. He looked forward to meeting his Marine again even though they never exchanged words beyond thank yous and goodbyes.
Even without words it was strangely comfortable and intimate, especially since they started touching more over time. Nothing big, just legs resting against each other under the table or occasionally when he noticed Novak was in pain Dean silently got up to massage his shoulders.
It was a weird kind of friendship but it was good for Dean. Even his therapist noted the positive changes in his behaviors. Dean hadn't told her what prompted them but she urged him to keep doing whatever it was that he was doing.
It really wasn't hard to promise that, since there was no way in hell he was ever going to give up his Marine.
~*~
By the time Christmas came around Dean had stopped sitting on his own side and somehow had ended up sharing a side of the table with Novak. It had been the other man who had initiated it, one day just standing up when Dean had sat down and sliding in next to him.
From there on Dean enjoyed his lunches even more, pressed against a solid, warm body. It wasn't like they were holding hands under the table or anything, it was just two men sitting close to each other and sharing a nice lunch.
The first few times Novak had initiated it but it hadn't taken all that long for Dean to catch up and when he had – hesitantly at first – tried to sit next to Novak for the first time the other man had scooted over, making room for him.
~*~
By the 24th of December – the last day the coffee shop would have open before closing for the holidays – Dean had decided that Novak's laptop was far too old and slow and handed him a new one.
Inside the case was a note with his address and an invitation to come over for lunch the following day and maybe some Christmas dinner if he felt like it. At first Dean had actually thought about just giving him a key but even he realized that this was probably a bit over the top.
While eying the wrapped up case with distrust Novak handed Dean a smaller package which he took grateful. He wondered what was inside but didn't open it since his Marine wasn't opening his gift either. Instead they sat there, pressed maybe a bit closer than normal and enjoyed their lunch together.
~*~
As soon as Dean had gotten home he had sat down on his bed with Novak's package in his hand. He hesitated to open it, but in the end his curiosity won over his hesitation. Still he took his time, gently opening the wrapping as to not accidently destroy it, he knew it was girly and probably a bit creepy that he planned to keep it. It wasn't even anything fancy, just ordinary red wrapping paper but coming from Novak, it was special.
In it he found a new button-up shirt as well as a tie. He gently touched them only to find that they were from delicate material, especially the shirt was soft and looked very comfortable as well as good. Dean was already smiling brightly when he lifted the shirt only to find another one under it.
This one was a USMC shirt, that looked a bit like Novak had already worn it, a thought that send a warm shudder through Dean, even though he knew it should probably creep him out.
Under the shirt was a planner like the one he used to take notes of his appointments and deadlines. Only this one was for the next year. And one the first page was written in delicate handwriting:
For Dean.
Christmas 2010, Castiel Novak
Castiel. Dean was rolling the name on his tongue the whole day while he nervously waited if Castiel would accept his offer for lunch and dinner or not. It was a nice name even though slightly foreign but he liked it instantly and wished he could say it every day of his life.
As the doorbell rang Dean nearly dropped the glass he had held in his hand, he hurried to the door the glass abandoned on the table. He managed to nearly fall twice before he reached the door, fumbling with the speaker.
“Hello?” he asked a bit breathless, his heart thumping in his ears.
”Hello.” Castiel's gruff voice answered him from the other end.
Dean felt like he couldn't be more happy. But he found out he could when Castiel came through his door and his eyes instantly focused on the shirt Dean was wearing – it was the USMC shirt Castiel had given him.
He made a step forward and rested a hand on Dean's chest for just a moment – which was enough to make Dean's heart willing to jump out of it – and Dean was sure he saw Castiel's eyes light up with happiness.
~*~
Lunch wasn't all that different from their normal routine. Dean brought the coffee and the food to the table and they sat down on chairs next to each other. Dean pulled out some work files and Castiel got out his laptop.
The new one, the one Dean had bought him and throughout the whole lunch Dean had a big smile on his face as he watched Castiel type away in his slow but steady pace. He didn't dare to ask what he was writing, if he wanted to share it he would tell Dean.
By the time lunch was done Castiel didn't show any inclination to leaving, instead he stayed at the table working on whatever it was he did all day. Dean started to prepare dinner, he had spend lots of money so he could make a healthy and amazing Christmas dinner for both of them and he was really happy that Castiel would let him.
His eyes wandered to the other man often while he was working in the kitchen area. Castiel had made great progress but he was still limping slightly and some days Dean noticed him only typing with one hand. Today seemed to be a good day though since Castiel typed with both hands and sat nearly as straight as he used too.
~*~
By the time both of them had finished dinner they were already pretty drunk thanks to a bottle of wine Castiel had gotten out of his bag as Dean had set the table. He usually didn't drink but around Castiel he found himself loosing many of his new healthy habits. He didn't feel bad about it.
That was also his explanation for already being drunk – that normally he didn't drink so it was only natural to get drunk fast. Castiel blamed it on the pain meds – even though Dean knew for a fact that he hadn't taken them.
And even drunk he managed not to think about the fact that he knew how Castiel acted on pain meds and how he acted when he hadn't taken them.
Somehow they ended up on the couch in front of the fireplace together, curling around each other. It was awkward but it was also intimate and felt too good to do anything about it. They staid like that, silently enjoying the smell and the warmth of another body.
It was the best Christmas Dean had had in a very long time.
~*~
The next morning Dean awoke on his back, with Castiel lying on top of him but to his surprise he didn't freak out or anything, just tightened his hold on the other body and enjoyed the feel of the weight on top of him. He smiled when he heard Castiel groan his smile only disappearing when the groan turned into one of pain.
He was pretty sure it wasn't because of a hangover by the way Castiel tried to curl into himself to shield his injured arm. It took several attempts to get him fully awake and drag him from the couch into Dean's bed where after some protest Castiel allowed himself to be tugged in.
~*~
Castiel stayed with Dean the rest of the holidays or rather he stayed in Dean's bed since his old injuries seemed to act up again. Dean tried his best to take care of him, probably getting on Castiel's nerves with his mother hen behavior but he was worried for his friend.
Castiel wouldn't let him see the wounds but he allowed him to cook for him and bring him his medication. Somehow Dean even ended up sleeping in bed with him every night. It had started with him looking after Castiel one night when he had a particularly bad nightmare which ended with him falling asleep while sitting on the bed. After he had woken with Castiel once again on top of him he had never managed to leave for the couch again.
The evening before Dean had to return to work, Castiel left. Even though he really liked his work Dean couldn't stop himself from feeling sad when the holiday was over and so was his time with Castiel.
~*~
They fell back into their normal rhythm meeting at lunch every day but Dean noticed delighted that they sat even closer than before. And Castiel continued to use his laptop just as Dean wore the things Castiel gave him as often as possible and made a show of using the planner whenever he was close to the Marine.
He didn't expect Castiel to stand on his doorsteps for New Year's Eve even though he was incredibly happy to see him.
This time they didn't drink, instead they ended up on the balcony watching the fireworks at midnights while they huddled close together against the cold. It ended with them sharing a bed again and for Dean it was the best New Year's Eve he had ever had.
~*~
The next month ended up busy for Dean and he couldn't spend as much time with Castiel on their lunch break as he wanted to but he flat our refused to work through that break. It had started to become the one thing he looked forward to the most and even if it would get him fired, he wouldn't stop having lunch with Castiel.
Something about his Marine seemed to have changed too, he wasn't writing anymore but it looked more like he was editing something. Dean grew more and more curious about what it was that he was doing but he stopped himself from asking, after all he was pretty sure he would just offend Castiel with it.
But even though both of them were busy they somehow always ended up spending the weekends at Dean's home, snuggling up on the couch and sharing a bed. It was weird and surreal most of the time but Dean felt too good to question it even in his thoughts.
It was somehow like they were a couple, only that they never kissed or hold hands or anything they just... snuggled. They didn't speak much either. Castiel barely saying a word most of the time. Dean was strangely okay with it and the more time passed the better he got in reading Castiel which filled him with delight. He hadn't been so happy in years.
~*~
It was some day in April that Castiel showed up with a book instead of his laptop. At first that threw Dean off and made him nervous, that was until he found out that a reading Cas was a snuggly Cas and with that he could life.
Their weekend routine changed too because Castiel actually like reading to people and damn he could read. Dean wasn't all that interested in books and had never been one to get sucked into a story but when Castiel read to him Dean didn't want him to stop – ever.
Another reason might be that Castiel's gravely voice made shivers run down his spine and feel all warm and fuzzy inside. He liked it the most when he could curl up in Castiel's lap – something he had never liked before – while listening to him. It was nice and safe.
So safe, that Dean decided he didn't need his shrink anymore. She hadn't helped him anyway, Cas had without even trying.
~*~
It was one day in July that Dean went into the coffee shop only to find their usual table empty. For a moment he felt like his heart stopped for a moment but before he could get into full on panic mode Linda called for him from behind the counter.
He turned around, ready to strangle her for distracting him from the fact that Castiel wasn't here. Something must have happened to him. Maybe he had been hit by a car or worse, maybe he was tired of Dean? No no, that was impossible, something had to have happened to him, something bad.
But before he could rip her throat out (or well at least snap at her) Linda handed him a small package that was wrapped in the same red wrapping paper Castiel had used at Christmas.
“Mr. Novak asked me to give that to you.” she offered with a shrug and a worried look.
Dean grabbed the package and fled the coffee shop without another word.
~*~
Dean called into work sick, telling them he had gotten some kind of stomach bug and didn't feel well after his lunch. He had never called in sick before but right now he had too, because he had to know what Castiel had left for him. And especially where he was and why he hadn't shown up.
At home he locked the doors got out of his way to warm clothing and into the shirt Cas had given him. He practically ran to his bed where he sat down and opened the package.
In it was a book, but more importantly there was a note from Castiel. It was written in the beautiful handwriting that Dean had already noticed on the first page of his planner.
“Dear Dean
This book is for you. Please read it. You'll understand once you finished.”
That was all? A stupid note attached to a book? Dean was angry and ready to throw something against a wall, even though he knew he was probably overreacting, when he noticed the author of the books in his hand: Castiel Novak. The title simply stated “A Tale of Survival” with a picture of a soldier standing in the desert as a cover.
Cautiously Dean opened the book, careful not to do any damage to this precious book – Castiel's book – no matter how minor.
He found the first page and the simple words there made his heart stop for a moment overwhelmed with feelings.
“If you think somebody cares about you and believes your life is worth saving, how can you give up?”
Geraldine Ferraro
For Dean.
Thank you for the coffee, you saved me.
And under that, written again in Castiel's beautiful handwriting stood. ”I love you.”
Dean felt his heart stop for a moment, well it probably didn't stop for real but to him it felt just like that. Castiel loved him. Him.
There were a thousand different feeling swirling in Dean's head, making his chest hurt painfully with an aching he hadn't noticed before. He wanted to see Castiel. Now. Even though he had no idea what he was going to say or do. But his Marine had asked him to read the book, told him he would understand. Whatever there was left to understand, Castiel loved him, that was all that mattered to Dean!
Still he forced himself to read because Castiel had asked him to do it and right now he would do about anything Castiel wanted him to do.
~*~
What was written down on those pages what Castiel's story. He told how he had entered into the Marines, at the beginning struggling with the structure and the hierarchy but after protecting one of his comrades by taking the blame – something so very Castiel Dean had to laugh – he had found his way into it fast.
Castiel described how the fact that he wasn't talking much hadn't bothered anyone and how he had made friends. After hating him at the beginning even his superior had to acknowledge he was good.
He wrote about the wars he fought and the horror he had seen. About men being broken by brutality and the uselessness of it all. About them growing together into their own little family.
There were little stories about training and about funny little incidents, about the good and the bad, the pain and the happiness, the despair and the hope.
It was a moving book, an amazing book and Dean was already close to tears when he reached the part where it got really bad.
That was the part where Castiel started to write about how he had gotten injured. Dean's hands were shaking as he read about the trap Castiel's convoy had ended up in. The car he had been in had been blown up by a landmine and he had been severely wounded by shrapnels in his stomach, leg and arm. His face had been cut as he had tried to scramble out of the car while they were still under heavy fire and no one was able to help him. Cas – his Cas – had been lying on the ground for what seemed to him for hours, unable to move and exposed to everyone who cared to shoot at him.
Dean couldn't read on after that, he curled up in his bed, Castiel's pillow in his arms and cried. He sobbed and screamed at the unfairness of the world who made such a good man go through such horror. A man he loved. The knowledge hit Dean like a hammer, taking the breath from his lungs. He didn't just like Castiel or find him attractive. He loved him with all his heart, more than he ever loved before in his life.
It was a strange feeling, being so... devoted to someone else. He took a deep breath, forcing his hand to stop shaking as he picked up the book again. It was hard but he forced himself to read through Castiel's slow and hard recovery, the nightmares that haunted him and the pain that wouldn't leave him and the fact that Castiel wasn't able to really function most of the time.
Right up until the day a guy he had never spoken to before bought him a coffee. The pages that followed had Dean crying again but for a whole different reason.
This time it was reading how much he meant to Castiel and how their daily meetings had given him the strength to move on past the horror of his near death. It was weird to read how his own act of awkward kindness had let to Castiel finding hope again and a way to interact with other humans without freaking out.
He blushed a lot when he read Castiel's take on their time at Christmas and New Year's and the routine they had developed afterwards. God he was glad Castiel never mentioned his name because what he was telling, well it was true but it also felt way to intimate to write in a book for Dean's taste.
He read the las pages in the early hours of the morning, the book finishing with Castiel stating that he might always have to fight with the wounds and the memories but that he was hopeful now and certain that he would be happy again.
When he turned the last page over he found an address scribbled on the back of it in Castiel's familiar writing. A smile spread over Dean's face. He understood.
~*~
Castiel opened the door to his apartment and it was obvious he had been asleep until Dean had arrived. Without any further words Dean flung his arms around Castiel and pulled him in a tight hug, there lips meeting softly in a dry kiss. He felt Castiel opening his mouth, inviting him to deepen the kiss but instead he pulled away to look at this man that had sneaked in his life and became the center of it. “I love you too.”
Author:
cashay Rating: R
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Spoilers: tiny spoiler for 4x17 if you haven't seen it yet
Warnings: mentions of war, wounded in battle (not graphic)
Word Count: 5.846 Words
Summary: Terrible Life!AU. After years of not caring about him Dean finds himself obsessed with the wounded Marine that is a regular at his regular coffee shop. An awkward act of kindness leads to a strange friendship between the two man.
A/N: sorry no beta and I don't have much time which means my editing was probably crap.
Happy Birthday
princess_aleera ! 20 is a great number and deserves a looong story. I hope you're happy with what my muse threw at me ;)Dean was a man of routine and one of those routines was to go to the same coffee place every day and order one of the five coffees he absolutely loved there. He had seen employees come and go as well as frequent costumers. But he had gone here every day since he had been hired at Sandover four years ago. By now everyone working here knew him and he got his coffee for free on fridays and on the weekend.
One of the frequent costumers that hadn't gone away – or at least not stayed away – was a black haired guy with piercing blue eyes. He never said much and most of the time he seemed rather rude to Dean.
But he didn't talk to people in coffee shops anyway, especially if they looked like they'd like to kill you. The employees seemed to rather like him though and Dean often watched them engaging in animated chatter with the guy. Well they chattered, the guy was silent.
In the four years he had seen him here he had often wondered where he went when he wasn't coming in for month. Or actually he had wondered for the first few days before he forgot about it altogether until the guy came back in and the employees were all over him with joy. Something he never understood.
But Dean Smith was far too busy with taking care of Sales and Marketing and of his health to waste it on some guy who liked to be gone for half a year or more.
The black haired rude guy had been gone again, Dean hadn't thought about it for the last... was it six month? Maybe more, maybe less he didn't have time enough in his life to pay attention to people in his coffee shop.
And really he was never here long enough to think of him as a real regular costumer. But he came back and apparently the employees were in love with him or something. If he was honest with himself he was a bit jealous. No one was ever that excited when he came back somewhere. Which might have something to do with the fact that he came here nearly every day.
He had seen the guy from outside and already his mood had dropped a bit. He didn't look forward to hearing the employees being all over the guy. What was so special about him anyway?
But upon entering the coffee shop he noticed the unnatural silence. Unnatural especially for the fact that their favorite customer was back but even for a normal day it would have been far to quiet. Dean wondered what happened to make everyone mood drop so low, had anything happened on the short way from work to the coffee shop? But surely he would have noticed something, right?
He ordered his coffee from a shocked looking blond named Linda who kept looking over to the guy with the short black hair. Even Dean remembered that the guy used to sit ramrod straight all the time but now he was hunched over as if in pain.
For a moment Dean was tempted to ask but... he didn't have time to ask. What he did have time for was to watch him while he waited for his coffee to be ready. His lunch was already in his hands and he was going to sit in the park two blocks from work.
He hadn't wasted time outside at first but his therapist had told him how good it would be for his mental health if he sat between trees and green grass once a day. And a little walk was never bad for the body. Not that Dean walked, he actually took the car even though most people would find it ridiculous. But why waste time on walking when he had more important things to do?
Dean just took his coffee from Linda when Dean's personal coffee shop nemesis moved again, sitting up and pushing a few bills over the counter. He rose and only now did Dean see the ugly scar that went from his left cheek to somewhere under his collar. The short moment he took to watch him get out of the coffee shop was enough to realize that he was limping badly and held his left arm close to his body in a sling. From the way he was moving it was obvious he was in pain.
“What happened to him?” Dean felt himself blurting out before he could stop it.
He turned back to the counter only to encounter Linda's disgusted stare. It made him feel uncomfortable, he hadn't realized he had done anything wrong... And despite the fact that he was always too busy for everything and lacked a real social life Dean wanted people to like him. Or at least not find him disgusting.
James – another employee – took pity on him which was a cue to how pathetic he had to look right about now. But he really had no idea what happened to the guy even though after Linda's reaction he was fairly sure he was supposed to.
“Sometimes you're rather oblivious.” James commented and if he hadn't have to rely on James' information Dean would have scolded him for that. “Mr. Novak was with the Marines for a long time. How long exactly Linda?” He turned to the other person behind the counter but Linda continued to ignore both of them. “Anyway, long time. Hasn't told us what happened to him but he got wounded and has been discharged – honorably. He won't tell us anything but by the way he looks he has to have spend quite some time in the hospital.”
The cheerfulness that normally accompanied even the most boring thing James said had vanished and he looked at the door with a sad expression. That explained a lot, or rather that explained everything. And he realized he had indeed been an ass.
For the first time he didn't forget about the guy as soon as he was out of his sight. Instead he found his thoughts going back to him, asking himself the most stupid questions. How long had he been with the Marines? Why was he here? Had he family here in Ohio? How bad where his wounds? Why did he come to the coffee shop every day? Had he been wounded in a blast? Had he been taken hostage and tortured? Had he screamed? Had he lay there suffering unable to move? Had he had to get away despite his injuries? Had he been laying on the ground unconscious?
Dean knew those were stupid questions and just sitting around asking them wasn't gonna get them answered. The whole thing kept him from properly concentrating on work too. He promised himself he would look up if any soldier had been taken hostage or had been injured lately in... wherever they send their soldiers these days.
That settled his mind a bit but he still couldn't stop thinking about him. It just angered Dean, making him bitchy and he found himself snapping at anyone talking to him. He didn't even know what had prompted his new obsession with the wounded soldier. He was still rude and got still far too much attention. Okay, that was one of those things he was would have earned him a glare and silence from Linda. However rude he was he had fought for his country and had been injured badly during that fight for freedom. He certainly deserved all the attention that he got.
Which still didn't explain Dean's obsession with him. His shrink was going to have a field day with this...
The next day he saw 'Mr. Novak' in the coffee shop while he was driving past it, even though it was just past 7 AM. He was tired and considered getting a second morning coffee after staying up half of the night to research on soldiers wounded in service. Wait, no not soldiers Marines. One result of his research was, that he know knew that he shouldn't call a Marine a soldier.
He promptly discarded the thought about a second morning coffee. After staying up all night he didn't need another unhealthy action, he wouldn't want it to become a habit after all.
Maybe he should have done it though since later in the office Dean found he couldn't concentrate on what he was doing either because he was too tired or because his thoughts kept drifting back to this Novak-guy. He really was becoming somewhat of a stalker...
When he went for his lunch break the Marine was still sitting at exactly the same spot that he had been in when Dean had driven past him this morning. Dean hesitated briefly as he passed him but what the hell was he going to say to him anyway? 'Hey we don't know each other but I've been obsessing about you.'
Yeah that would probably earn him a punch in the face. Instead he ordered his coffee and while standing at the counter he looked over to the man who was still slumped over, head resting on his arms.
“Linda?” he called the blond woman who was currently taking care of his order.
“Yeah?” Dean was still sometimes surprised by her talking to him so casually but he had gotten used to it by now. It probably was due to him being a regular costumer.
“Make one for him, it's on me.” He indicated the Marine with a jerk of his head.
Linda looked genuinely surprised and Dean wondered if he really made such an antisocial impression on people. Well if that was the case it wasn't really his fault. He was a busy man and someone had to keep the economy working so other people could do all their charity things.
He took both of his coffees after paying them – apparently Linda still thought he had some making up to do – and hesitantly approached the table which the wounded man was sitting at. Only when he was already standing in front of him Dean realized he had no real idea what to say.
So instead of saying anything he just put the coffee down on his table and offered a weak smile when the gaze of those piercing blue eyes turned onto him. He felt more uncomfortable the longer that stare went one and if the tilt of the head was any inclination that showed on his face.
Dean wasn't sure what the guy had seen on his face but slowly he nodded and grabbed the coffee with his uninjured hand, pulling it closer to his chest as if it was going to disappear.
“Thank you.” The gravely voice let shivers run down Dean's spine and again he was at loss for words, this time because he couldn't pull himself away from those blue eyes and the way they bored into him.
Novak looked at him for a moment longer, before turning back to his coffee and the table. Dean found himself standing in front of the table like an idiot. He hurried to turn around and leave the shop, oblivious to the way the eyes of the Marine followed him.
Dean still hadn't found out what happened to the guy. There had been several incidents lately and he couldn't determine in which one 'his' Marine had been involved in. He wasn't really sure when he had started calling Novak 'his' Marine and he really didn't want to think about it too much, it might turn out to be really creepy.
But he saw him every day in the coffee shop where they fell into a rhythm soon. Even though members of the service didn't have to pay for their coffee here Dean got his Marine something fancy every day for lunch. After all Novak just took normal black coffee otherwise and how he knew that Dean didn't want to discuss with anyone.
He would put the coffee down in front of him and Novak would look up, stare at him with those unnerving and far to incredible blue eyes until he saw... something. After that he would thank him and turn to his coffee.
That was Dean's cue to leave and he would end up in the park with his lunch, thinking about blue eyes and black unruly hair that had started to grow longer over the last few weeks. Dean had decided he preferred it over the short military hair cut.
Things changed when it turned from summer to autumn. For one thing Novak still was sitting there the whole day but now he had his laptop with him and was typing the whole time – unless Dean approached him. Then he would look up and in the same manner as always thank him for the coffee and stare at him until he had found something Dean still didn't understand.
As the weather got from still comfortable to windy and damp Dean found he had to give up his lunch in the park. For a few days he pondered eating in his office but ultimately the decision was made for him by his Marine.
He had just handed him another coffee when the silent man motioned towards the other side of the table. “It's too cold to eat outside.” he informed Dean matter-of-factly before returning to his laptop. Dean stood there baffled and unsure if that was really an invitation for him to sit down with him. He got his answer when Novak tilted his head in an annoyed gesture staring at him until Dean sat down just to escape the intense stare.
It became a regular thing and not only did Dean buy him coffee every day for lunch he also brought something to eat for him after he noticed that the Marine didn't seem to have or buy anything for himself. The employees of the coffee shop didn't mind it and they better shouldn't after all Dean was probably their best costumer.
One saturday he had passed the shop after he had had something to take care of at work only to find Novak sitting in his usual spot. After that he came in for lunch even on the weekend, no matter if he had work to do or not.
Sitting and eating lunch in silence with Novak soon became the highlight of his days. He looked forward to meeting his Marine again even though they never exchanged words beyond thank yous and goodbyes.
Even without words it was strangely comfortable and intimate, especially since they started touching more over time. Nothing big, just legs resting against each other under the table or occasionally when he noticed Novak was in pain Dean silently got up to massage his shoulders.
It was a weird kind of friendship but it was good for Dean. Even his therapist noted the positive changes in his behaviors. Dean hadn't told her what prompted them but she urged him to keep doing whatever it was that he was doing.
It really wasn't hard to promise that, since there was no way in hell he was ever going to give up his Marine.
By the time Christmas came around Dean had stopped sitting on his own side and somehow had ended up sharing a side of the table with Novak. It had been the other man who had initiated it, one day just standing up when Dean had sat down and sliding in next to him.
From there on Dean enjoyed his lunches even more, pressed against a solid, warm body. It wasn't like they were holding hands under the table or anything, it was just two men sitting close to each other and sharing a nice lunch.
The first few times Novak had initiated it but it hadn't taken all that long for Dean to catch up and when he had – hesitantly at first – tried to sit next to Novak for the first time the other man had scooted over, making room for him.
By the 24th of December – the last day the coffee shop would have open before closing for the holidays – Dean had decided that Novak's laptop was far too old and slow and handed him a new one.
Inside the case was a note with his address and an invitation to come over for lunch the following day and maybe some Christmas dinner if he felt like it. At first Dean had actually thought about just giving him a key but even he realized that this was probably a bit over the top.
While eying the wrapped up case with distrust Novak handed Dean a smaller package which he took grateful. He wondered what was inside but didn't open it since his Marine wasn't opening his gift either. Instead they sat there, pressed maybe a bit closer than normal and enjoyed their lunch together.
As soon as Dean had gotten home he had sat down on his bed with Novak's package in his hand. He hesitated to open it, but in the end his curiosity won over his hesitation. Still he took his time, gently opening the wrapping as to not accidently destroy it, he knew it was girly and probably a bit creepy that he planned to keep it. It wasn't even anything fancy, just ordinary red wrapping paper but coming from Novak, it was special.
In it he found a new button-up shirt as well as a tie. He gently touched them only to find that they were from delicate material, especially the shirt was soft and looked very comfortable as well as good. Dean was already smiling brightly when he lifted the shirt only to find another one under it.
This one was a USMC shirt, that looked a bit like Novak had already worn it, a thought that send a warm shudder through Dean, even though he knew it should probably creep him out.
Under the shirt was a planner like the one he used to take notes of his appointments and deadlines. Only this one was for the next year. And one the first page was written in delicate handwriting:
For Dean.
Christmas 2010, Castiel Novak
Castiel. Dean was rolling the name on his tongue the whole day while he nervously waited if Castiel would accept his offer for lunch and dinner or not. It was a nice name even though slightly foreign but he liked it instantly and wished he could say it every day of his life.
As the doorbell rang Dean nearly dropped the glass he had held in his hand, he hurried to the door the glass abandoned on the table. He managed to nearly fall twice before he reached the door, fumbling with the speaker.
“Hello?” he asked a bit breathless, his heart thumping in his ears.
”Hello.” Castiel's gruff voice answered him from the other end.
Dean felt like he couldn't be more happy. But he found out he could when Castiel came through his door and his eyes instantly focused on the shirt Dean was wearing – it was the USMC shirt Castiel had given him.
He made a step forward and rested a hand on Dean's chest for just a moment – which was enough to make Dean's heart willing to jump out of it – and Dean was sure he saw Castiel's eyes light up with happiness.
Lunch wasn't all that different from their normal routine. Dean brought the coffee and the food to the table and they sat down on chairs next to each other. Dean pulled out some work files and Castiel got out his laptop.
The new one, the one Dean had bought him and throughout the whole lunch Dean had a big smile on his face as he watched Castiel type away in his slow but steady pace. He didn't dare to ask what he was writing, if he wanted to share it he would tell Dean.
By the time lunch was done Castiel didn't show any inclination to leaving, instead he stayed at the table working on whatever it was he did all day. Dean started to prepare dinner, he had spend lots of money so he could make a healthy and amazing Christmas dinner for both of them and he was really happy that Castiel would let him.
His eyes wandered to the other man often while he was working in the kitchen area. Castiel had made great progress but he was still limping slightly and some days Dean noticed him only typing with one hand. Today seemed to be a good day though since Castiel typed with both hands and sat nearly as straight as he used too.
By the time both of them had finished dinner they were already pretty drunk thanks to a bottle of wine Castiel had gotten out of his bag as Dean had set the table. He usually didn't drink but around Castiel he found himself loosing many of his new healthy habits. He didn't feel bad about it.
That was also his explanation for already being drunk – that normally he didn't drink so it was only natural to get drunk fast. Castiel blamed it on the pain meds – even though Dean knew for a fact that he hadn't taken them.
And even drunk he managed not to think about the fact that he knew how Castiel acted on pain meds and how he acted when he hadn't taken them.
Somehow they ended up on the couch in front of the fireplace together, curling around each other. It was awkward but it was also intimate and felt too good to do anything about it. They staid like that, silently enjoying the smell and the warmth of another body.
It was the best Christmas Dean had had in a very long time.
The next morning Dean awoke on his back, with Castiel lying on top of him but to his surprise he didn't freak out or anything, just tightened his hold on the other body and enjoyed the feel of the weight on top of him. He smiled when he heard Castiel groan his smile only disappearing when the groan turned into one of pain.
He was pretty sure it wasn't because of a hangover by the way Castiel tried to curl into himself to shield his injured arm. It took several attempts to get him fully awake and drag him from the couch into Dean's bed where after some protest Castiel allowed himself to be tugged in.
Castiel stayed with Dean the rest of the holidays or rather he stayed in Dean's bed since his old injuries seemed to act up again. Dean tried his best to take care of him, probably getting on Castiel's nerves with his mother hen behavior but he was worried for his friend.
Castiel wouldn't let him see the wounds but he allowed him to cook for him and bring him his medication. Somehow Dean even ended up sleeping in bed with him every night. It had started with him looking after Castiel one night when he had a particularly bad nightmare which ended with him falling asleep while sitting on the bed. After he had woken with Castiel once again on top of him he had never managed to leave for the couch again.
The evening before Dean had to return to work, Castiel left. Even though he really liked his work Dean couldn't stop himself from feeling sad when the holiday was over and so was his time with Castiel.
They fell back into their normal rhythm meeting at lunch every day but Dean noticed delighted that they sat even closer than before. And Castiel continued to use his laptop just as Dean wore the things Castiel gave him as often as possible and made a show of using the planner whenever he was close to the Marine.
He didn't expect Castiel to stand on his doorsteps for New Year's Eve even though he was incredibly happy to see him.
This time they didn't drink, instead they ended up on the balcony watching the fireworks at midnights while they huddled close together against the cold. It ended with them sharing a bed again and for Dean it was the best New Year's Eve he had ever had.
The next month ended up busy for Dean and he couldn't spend as much time with Castiel on their lunch break as he wanted to but he flat our refused to work through that break. It had started to become the one thing he looked forward to the most and even if it would get him fired, he wouldn't stop having lunch with Castiel.
Something about his Marine seemed to have changed too, he wasn't writing anymore but it looked more like he was editing something. Dean grew more and more curious about what it was that he was doing but he stopped himself from asking, after all he was pretty sure he would just offend Castiel with it.
But even though both of them were busy they somehow always ended up spending the weekends at Dean's home, snuggling up on the couch and sharing a bed. It was weird and surreal most of the time but Dean felt too good to question it even in his thoughts.
It was somehow like they were a couple, only that they never kissed or hold hands or anything they just... snuggled. They didn't speak much either. Castiel barely saying a word most of the time. Dean was strangely okay with it and the more time passed the better he got in reading Castiel which filled him with delight. He hadn't been so happy in years.
It was some day in April that Castiel showed up with a book instead of his laptop. At first that threw Dean off and made him nervous, that was until he found out that a reading Cas was a snuggly Cas and with that he could life.
Their weekend routine changed too because Castiel actually like reading to people and damn he could read. Dean wasn't all that interested in books and had never been one to get sucked into a story but when Castiel read to him Dean didn't want him to stop – ever.
Another reason might be that Castiel's gravely voice made shivers run down his spine and feel all warm and fuzzy inside. He liked it the most when he could curl up in Castiel's lap – something he had never liked before – while listening to him. It was nice and safe.
So safe, that Dean decided he didn't need his shrink anymore. She hadn't helped him anyway, Cas had without even trying.
It was one day in July that Dean went into the coffee shop only to find their usual table empty. For a moment he felt like his heart stopped for a moment but before he could get into full on panic mode Linda called for him from behind the counter.
He turned around, ready to strangle her for distracting him from the fact that Castiel wasn't here. Something must have happened to him. Maybe he had been hit by a car or worse, maybe he was tired of Dean? No no, that was impossible, something had to have happened to him, something bad.
But before he could rip her throat out (or well at least snap at her) Linda handed him a small package that was wrapped in the same red wrapping paper Castiel had used at Christmas.
“Mr. Novak asked me to give that to you.” she offered with a shrug and a worried look.
Dean grabbed the package and fled the coffee shop without another word.
Dean called into work sick, telling them he had gotten some kind of stomach bug and didn't feel well after his lunch. He had never called in sick before but right now he had too, because he had to know what Castiel had left for him. And especially where he was and why he hadn't shown up.
At home he locked the doors got out of his way to warm clothing and into the shirt Cas had given him. He practically ran to his bed where he sat down and opened the package.
In it was a book, but more importantly there was a note from Castiel. It was written in the beautiful handwriting that Dean had already noticed on the first page of his planner.
“Dear Dean
This book is for you. Please read it. You'll understand once you finished.”
That was all? A stupid note attached to a book? Dean was angry and ready to throw something against a wall, even though he knew he was probably overreacting, when he noticed the author of the books in his hand: Castiel Novak. The title simply stated “A Tale of Survival” with a picture of a soldier standing in the desert as a cover.
Cautiously Dean opened the book, careful not to do any damage to this precious book – Castiel's book – no matter how minor.
He found the first page and the simple words there made his heart stop for a moment overwhelmed with feelings.
Geraldine Ferraro
For Dean.
Thank you for the coffee, you saved me.
And under that, written again in Castiel's beautiful handwriting stood. ”I love you.”
Dean felt his heart stop for a moment, well it probably didn't stop for real but to him it felt just like that. Castiel loved him. Him.
There were a thousand different feeling swirling in Dean's head, making his chest hurt painfully with an aching he hadn't noticed before. He wanted to see Castiel. Now. Even though he had no idea what he was going to say or do. But his Marine had asked him to read the book, told him he would understand. Whatever there was left to understand, Castiel loved him, that was all that mattered to Dean!
Still he forced himself to read because Castiel had asked him to do it and right now he would do about anything Castiel wanted him to do.
What was written down on those pages what Castiel's story. He told how he had entered into the Marines, at the beginning struggling with the structure and the hierarchy but after protecting one of his comrades by taking the blame – something so very Castiel Dean had to laugh – he had found his way into it fast.
Castiel described how the fact that he wasn't talking much hadn't bothered anyone and how he had made friends. After hating him at the beginning even his superior had to acknowledge he was good.
He wrote about the wars he fought and the horror he had seen. About men being broken by brutality and the uselessness of it all. About them growing together into their own little family.
There were little stories about training and about funny little incidents, about the good and the bad, the pain and the happiness, the despair and the hope.
It was a moving book, an amazing book and Dean was already close to tears when he reached the part where it got really bad.
That was the part where Castiel started to write about how he had gotten injured. Dean's hands were shaking as he read about the trap Castiel's convoy had ended up in. The car he had been in had been blown up by a landmine and he had been severely wounded by shrapnels in his stomach, leg and arm. His face had been cut as he had tried to scramble out of the car while they were still under heavy fire and no one was able to help him. Cas – his Cas – had been lying on the ground for what seemed to him for hours, unable to move and exposed to everyone who cared to shoot at him.
Dean couldn't read on after that, he curled up in his bed, Castiel's pillow in his arms and cried. He sobbed and screamed at the unfairness of the world who made such a good man go through such horror. A man he loved. The knowledge hit Dean like a hammer, taking the breath from his lungs. He didn't just like Castiel or find him attractive. He loved him with all his heart, more than he ever loved before in his life.
It was a strange feeling, being so... devoted to someone else. He took a deep breath, forcing his hand to stop shaking as he picked up the book again. It was hard but he forced himself to read through Castiel's slow and hard recovery, the nightmares that haunted him and the pain that wouldn't leave him and the fact that Castiel wasn't able to really function most of the time.
Right up until the day a guy he had never spoken to before bought him a coffee. The pages that followed had Dean crying again but for a whole different reason.
This time it was reading how much he meant to Castiel and how their daily meetings had given him the strength to move on past the horror of his near death. It was weird to read how his own act of awkward kindness had let to Castiel finding hope again and a way to interact with other humans without freaking out.
He blushed a lot when he read Castiel's take on their time at Christmas and New Year's and the routine they had developed afterwards. God he was glad Castiel never mentioned his name because what he was telling, well it was true but it also felt way to intimate to write in a book for Dean's taste.
He read the las pages in the early hours of the morning, the book finishing with Castiel stating that he might always have to fight with the wounds and the memories but that he was hopeful now and certain that he would be happy again.
When he turned the last page over he found an address scribbled on the back of it in Castiel's familiar writing. A smile spread over Dean's face. He understood.
Castiel opened the door to his apartment and it was obvious he had been asleep until Dean had arrived. Without any further words Dean flung his arms around Castiel and pulled him in a tight hug, there lips meeting softly in a dry kiss. He felt Castiel opening his mouth, inviting him to deepen the kiss but instead he pulled away to look at this man that had sneaked in his life and became the center of it. “I love you too.”
