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cashayTitle: Surviving
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cashay
Pairings: Chuck/Adam
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~2000
Spoilers: up to the end of season 05
Warning: torture (not explicit)
Disclaimer: not mine
Summary: After being in the cage for over a year a broken Adam finds himself in the bed of a certain prophet.
A/N: fortheinsaneeraser hope you like it :D
Pain. Maddening, agonizing pain. He didn't know where he was or why they were hurting him. He could feel them. Two angry, burning creatures so full of resent, hurt, hate and love that their sheer presence was already enough to sear him.
He did suffer silently while the two creatures, enraged by the denial of their final fight, were taking their time destroying the other human unfortunate enough to be here. Wherever here was. If he hadn't been nearly driven mad by the pain himself he would have felt sorry for him.
That was until the day he disappeared. This was the day the rage turned onto him. Now it was him that was torn apart by the grace of the two mightiest angels that ever walked the earth. All of the pent up frustration, the pain they felt because of the destiny their father had chosen for them, all of it was now his to feel. The message couldn't have been clearer. Everyone on earth, in heaven and hell should suffer for the suffering they had endured.
But he was the only one they could show their pain. So Adam suffered.
~*~
When Adam woke up the pain was gone. No burning, no tearing, no agony. Adam held on to the warmth and comfortable nothingness, sure that it was just a matter of time until it all started again. That was until he felt someone move a few feet away from him.
Panic rising in his throat Adam flinched back, pressing up again the nearest wall. His eyes were still pressed shut it hadn't helped much with Lucifer and Michael but it had lessened the pain the faintest bit and Adam had learned to be grateful for every form of relief.
That didn't mean he wasn't scared shitless even without being immediately ripped apart. Wherever he was it didn't feel like the Cage. He felt like he had done on earth when his body had just been his and he hadn't been captured in the deepest part of hell with the two most angry creatures in existence.
But it was probably just some sort of trick, they tried to lure him into feeling safe before all the torture began again. “Hey. Um... Calm down.” Adam pressed even closer to the wall shying away from the hand touching his knee. “They can't hurt you anymore.”
Without thinking about it Adam wrenched his eyes open. He cringed, expecting the blinding light to take his sight away again but there was no such thing. There was just the dimmed light of a small lamp in one corner of a chaotic room. In front of him a short man in a bathrobe was crouching down. He had a worried look on his unshaved face and dark circles around his eyes.
“I'm Chuck.”, he introduced himself and a nervous look crossed his features as he offered his hand. Adam just stared at him with wide eyes, scared and uncertain. This had to be another of the hallucinations Lucifer and Michael made him see. But it was nothing like the other ones. It was far to nice and until now no one he cared about had been ripped to shreds. But it was just a matter of time unerringly.
He didn't take the hand nor did he say anything to introduce himself. But Chuck had probably anticipated this because he just sighed. The nervousness was gone and Adam had a glimps at something that seemed old. There was no other way to name it. It made him think about Lucifer and Michael which in turn let to him pressing his eyes shut again, practically trying to melt with the wall.
Another sigh could be heard and for one moment Adam was sure this was it, that now the hallucination would stop and the pain would return. Instead he felt a hand resting on his shoulder, squeezing tightly. “I'm sorry.”
That startled the young man. He wished he could see the other man's face but this would mean opening his eyes and he couldn't do that. If he opened his eyes all of this would crumble. The grip on his shoulder lightened but Adam's own hand grabbed the arm before it could be drawn away. “Don't worry. I'm going nowhere kiddo.”
A faint smile settled on Adam's face at those words. They sat their in a silence that was neither uncomfortable nor companionable but it was okay. Chuck had taken his hand and now he was safely held in the his arms, his head resting on Chuck's shoulder. He felt a sense of peace and certitude in which he abandoned himself while waiting for the inevitable pain to return.
~*~
But the pain didn't come back. Not that day, not the next. Adam waited, heart surging in panic every time he heard a new noise. But it was never the sign of one or both archangels coming for him. Instead there was Chuck the clumsy and nervous guy that took care of him.
He was awkward most of the time but sometimes there was a certain self-assurance visible that Adam recognized from the first night. Adam wondered why he was so different but he didn't ask. Actually he never spoke.
For the first week he had barely opened his eyes either. The only times he had done so it had been because he was frightened by a noise or a touch. Chuck had always been there, never leaving his side as he got him out of bed and into the bathroom as soon as he realized Adam probably wouldn't move on his own. Which he wouldn't have done.
When they weren't touching Chuck talked to him to let him know where he was. At least that was what he had told to Adam but Adam was pretty sure it was to calm him down too. He freaked easily and had hit Chuck more than once in a panic attack. He always felt sorry afterwards but sometimes – far to often for his liking – the panic just took over.
He was always on the edge, constantly waiting for something bad to happen. Every breath he took was a fight of his own, an ache that didn't come from physical hurt threatening to pull him under. When he had still been a teenager Adam had seen a picture that said something like 'Things To Do: 1. Get up 2. Survive 3. Go back to bed'. He had found it ridiculous at the time 'cause he hadn't know, hadn't understood how hard it could be just to breath. But now he did, better than anyone ever should.
Every minute he fought for staying alive, staying sane Chuck was there. Holding him close, talking to him, just being there. It was Chuck who coaxed him to eat and drink. It was Chuck who made him get out of bed and into the shower, washing him with those nervous hands before he dried him and put him back in the bed.
In the end it was Chuck who made him open his eyes too. He had talked to him like he usually did, nonsense mainly and after a while had asked Adam to open his eyes. Not that Chuck hadn't tried that many times already but somehow this time Adam couldn't resist the unsure, pleading voice of the man that took care of him.
Slowly his eyelids fluttered open, his heart speeding up in his chest, but Chuck was already rubbing soothing circles on his wrists. As he got used to the light his eyes focused on the person in front of him. A genuine smile had lit up Chuck's face and he looked at him like this was the most precious moment in his whole life.
Adam found he was still able of blushing but returned the smile nonetheless.
~*~
Slowly but surely Adam kept his eyes open more and more, reassured by Chuck. He found himself drawn to the older man who always looked like he came directly out of the bed. Every time Adam looked at him, forcing his eyes to stay open Chuck would compliment him, telling him how beautiful his eyes were. Adam didn't want to think about it to much, but that was probably why he tried to keep them open in the first place.
It got easier over the time. Not only keeping his eyes from clenching shut but all the rest too. Breathing got a tiny bit easier. The urge to throw up every time he ate or drank anything was a bit less overwhelming. It was nothing big but for Adam it was everything.
By the way Chuck kept smiling at him it was everything for him too. That made Adam happier than it should have.
~*~
He lived with Chuck for three month now and they had settled into a rhythm. Adam would follow the older man around through the house. No matter where Chuck went, Adam went too. He wasn't sure if it had been unsettling for the other man in the beginning but he had never complained. Instead he kept Adam close, pulling him in his arms or just to his side wherever they were. Sometimes Adam wondered if the touching grounded the prophet as much as it grounded him.
Chuck had told him about what he did for a living and how he was involved in the apocalypse in their first month. Adam hadn't entirely believed him, wondering if there was more to him because something had seemed off. But he hadn't asked since he still didn't speak and even if he did he wouldn't have been willing to fuck up the only thing he had.
Even though he knew what Chuck wrote about the older man wouldn't talk to him about it. While he was writing was one of the rare times Chuck wouldn't talk to Adam. Instead he turned on faint music, Adam watching him the whole time from his spot on the sofa.
Life was good. Or as good as it could be for him.
~*~
Adam allowed himself to believe that this was real. That he wasn't in the Cage anymore. And even if Chuck, this house, this life were only illusions he could still enjoy the peace as long as possible. It was as close to heaven as he would ever get.
~*~
It had been more than a year since he had awoken for the first time in the bed he shared with Chuck. Every day he awoke in the other man's arm the weight that pulled him down lightened a bit. He had watched him more intensely the last few days though, wondering if he never grew tired of him.
He couldn't be good company, always clinging to Chuck and never talking. Even after a year nightmares plagued him and he woke up screaming at least once a night, shoving Chuck out of the bed only to scramble after him and press close, trembling like an aspen leave. He wasn't much use around the house either, not trusting himself to not freak out for some stupid reason or not to do something even more stupid with a knife or a fork.
Maybe it was time to really take the chance, illusion or not. Maybe it was time to give something back to Chuck. He shifted, hesitantly shaking Chuck to wake him up. He would do so soon anyway so Adam didn't feel guilty. The other man's eyes broke open immediately, he was probably expecting the worst.
But Adam just smiled at him shyly, clearing his throat as his heart beat faster in his chest. A bit of fear flared up in him but he fought it down like he had done it every day of the past year to survive. Maybe it was time he should stop to simply survive and start to live.
“I am Adam.” His voice sounded raw and croaked from months of only being used for screaming. Despite his fear nothing happened. No pain. No burning white light. Nothing. Well, except for a genuine smile. The one he had started to love so much in the year he had spend with Chuck. And as always he couldn't resist the urge to return it.
“Nice to meet you Adam.” Chuck answered warm and affectionate before he pressed a soft kiss to Adam's mouth.
Author:
cashay Pairings: Chuck/Adam
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~2000
Spoilers: up to the end of season 05
Warning: torture (not explicit)
Disclaimer: not mine
Summary: After being in the cage for over a year a broken Adam finds himself in the bed of a certain prophet.
A/N: for
theinsaneeraser hope you like it :DPain. Maddening, agonizing pain. He didn't know where he was or why they were hurting him. He could feel them. Two angry, burning creatures so full of resent, hurt, hate and love that their sheer presence was already enough to sear him.
He did suffer silently while the two creatures, enraged by the denial of their final fight, were taking their time destroying the other human unfortunate enough to be here. Wherever here was. If he hadn't been nearly driven mad by the pain himself he would have felt sorry for him.
That was until the day he disappeared. This was the day the rage turned onto him. Now it was him that was torn apart by the grace of the two mightiest angels that ever walked the earth. All of the pent up frustration, the pain they felt because of the destiny their father had chosen for them, all of it was now his to feel. The message couldn't have been clearer. Everyone on earth, in heaven and hell should suffer for the suffering they had endured.
But he was the only one they could show their pain. So Adam suffered.
When Adam woke up the pain was gone. No burning, no tearing, no agony. Adam held on to the warmth and comfortable nothingness, sure that it was just a matter of time until it all started again. That was until he felt someone move a few feet away from him.
Panic rising in his throat Adam flinched back, pressing up again the nearest wall. His eyes were still pressed shut it hadn't helped much with Lucifer and Michael but it had lessened the pain the faintest bit and Adam had learned to be grateful for every form of relief.
That didn't mean he wasn't scared shitless even without being immediately ripped apart. Wherever he was it didn't feel like the Cage. He felt like he had done on earth when his body had just been his and he hadn't been captured in the deepest part of hell with the two most angry creatures in existence.
But it was probably just some sort of trick, they tried to lure him into feeling safe before all the torture began again. “Hey. Um... Calm down.” Adam pressed even closer to the wall shying away from the hand touching his knee. “They can't hurt you anymore.”
Without thinking about it Adam wrenched his eyes open. He cringed, expecting the blinding light to take his sight away again but there was no such thing. There was just the dimmed light of a small lamp in one corner of a chaotic room. In front of him a short man in a bathrobe was crouching down. He had a worried look on his unshaved face and dark circles around his eyes.
“I'm Chuck.”, he introduced himself and a nervous look crossed his features as he offered his hand. Adam just stared at him with wide eyes, scared and uncertain. This had to be another of the hallucinations Lucifer and Michael made him see. But it was nothing like the other ones. It was far to nice and until now no one he cared about had been ripped to shreds. But it was just a matter of time unerringly.
He didn't take the hand nor did he say anything to introduce himself. But Chuck had probably anticipated this because he just sighed. The nervousness was gone and Adam had a glimps at something that seemed old. There was no other way to name it. It made him think about Lucifer and Michael which in turn let to him pressing his eyes shut again, practically trying to melt with the wall.
Another sigh could be heard and for one moment Adam was sure this was it, that now the hallucination would stop and the pain would return. Instead he felt a hand resting on his shoulder, squeezing tightly. “I'm sorry.”
That startled the young man. He wished he could see the other man's face but this would mean opening his eyes and he couldn't do that. If he opened his eyes all of this would crumble. The grip on his shoulder lightened but Adam's own hand grabbed the arm before it could be drawn away. “Don't worry. I'm going nowhere kiddo.”
A faint smile settled on Adam's face at those words. They sat their in a silence that was neither uncomfortable nor companionable but it was okay. Chuck had taken his hand and now he was safely held in the his arms, his head resting on Chuck's shoulder. He felt a sense of peace and certitude in which he abandoned himself while waiting for the inevitable pain to return.
But the pain didn't come back. Not that day, not the next. Adam waited, heart surging in panic every time he heard a new noise. But it was never the sign of one or both archangels coming for him. Instead there was Chuck the clumsy and nervous guy that took care of him.
He was awkward most of the time but sometimes there was a certain self-assurance visible that Adam recognized from the first night. Adam wondered why he was so different but he didn't ask. Actually he never spoke.
For the first week he had barely opened his eyes either. The only times he had done so it had been because he was frightened by a noise or a touch. Chuck had always been there, never leaving his side as he got him out of bed and into the bathroom as soon as he realized Adam probably wouldn't move on his own. Which he wouldn't have done.
When they weren't touching Chuck talked to him to let him know where he was. At least that was what he had told to Adam but Adam was pretty sure it was to calm him down too. He freaked easily and had hit Chuck more than once in a panic attack. He always felt sorry afterwards but sometimes – far to often for his liking – the panic just took over.
He was always on the edge, constantly waiting for something bad to happen. Every breath he took was a fight of his own, an ache that didn't come from physical hurt threatening to pull him under. When he had still been a teenager Adam had seen a picture that said something like 'Things To Do: 1. Get up 2. Survive 3. Go back to bed'. He had found it ridiculous at the time 'cause he hadn't know, hadn't understood how hard it could be just to breath. But now he did, better than anyone ever should.
Every minute he fought for staying alive, staying sane Chuck was there. Holding him close, talking to him, just being there. It was Chuck who coaxed him to eat and drink. It was Chuck who made him get out of bed and into the shower, washing him with those nervous hands before he dried him and put him back in the bed.
In the end it was Chuck who made him open his eyes too. He had talked to him like he usually did, nonsense mainly and after a while had asked Adam to open his eyes. Not that Chuck hadn't tried that many times already but somehow this time Adam couldn't resist the unsure, pleading voice of the man that took care of him.
Slowly his eyelids fluttered open, his heart speeding up in his chest, but Chuck was already rubbing soothing circles on his wrists. As he got used to the light his eyes focused on the person in front of him. A genuine smile had lit up Chuck's face and he looked at him like this was the most precious moment in his whole life.
Adam found he was still able of blushing but returned the smile nonetheless.
Slowly but surely Adam kept his eyes open more and more, reassured by Chuck. He found himself drawn to the older man who always looked like he came directly out of the bed. Every time Adam looked at him, forcing his eyes to stay open Chuck would compliment him, telling him how beautiful his eyes were. Adam didn't want to think about it to much, but that was probably why he tried to keep them open in the first place.
It got easier over the time. Not only keeping his eyes from clenching shut but all the rest too. Breathing got a tiny bit easier. The urge to throw up every time he ate or drank anything was a bit less overwhelming. It was nothing big but for Adam it was everything.
By the way Chuck kept smiling at him it was everything for him too. That made Adam happier than it should have.
He lived with Chuck for three month now and they had settled into a rhythm. Adam would follow the older man around through the house. No matter where Chuck went, Adam went too. He wasn't sure if it had been unsettling for the other man in the beginning but he had never complained. Instead he kept Adam close, pulling him in his arms or just to his side wherever they were. Sometimes Adam wondered if the touching grounded the prophet as much as it grounded him.
Chuck had told him about what he did for a living and how he was involved in the apocalypse in their first month. Adam hadn't entirely believed him, wondering if there was more to him because something had seemed off. But he hadn't asked since he still didn't speak and even if he did he wouldn't have been willing to fuck up the only thing he had.
Even though he knew what Chuck wrote about the older man wouldn't talk to him about it. While he was writing was one of the rare times Chuck wouldn't talk to Adam. Instead he turned on faint music, Adam watching him the whole time from his spot on the sofa.
Life was good. Or as good as it could be for him.
Adam allowed himself to believe that this was real. That he wasn't in the Cage anymore. And even if Chuck, this house, this life were only illusions he could still enjoy the peace as long as possible. It was as close to heaven as he would ever get.
It had been more than a year since he had awoken for the first time in the bed he shared with Chuck. Every day he awoke in the other man's arm the weight that pulled him down lightened a bit. He had watched him more intensely the last few days though, wondering if he never grew tired of him.
He couldn't be good company, always clinging to Chuck and never talking. Even after a year nightmares plagued him and he woke up screaming at least once a night, shoving Chuck out of the bed only to scramble after him and press close, trembling like an aspen leave. He wasn't much use around the house either, not trusting himself to not freak out for some stupid reason or not to do something even more stupid with a knife or a fork.
Maybe it was time to really take the chance, illusion or not. Maybe it was time to give something back to Chuck. He shifted, hesitantly shaking Chuck to wake him up. He would do so soon anyway so Adam didn't feel guilty. The other man's eyes broke open immediately, he was probably expecting the worst.
But Adam just smiled at him shyly, clearing his throat as his heart beat faster in his chest. A bit of fear flared up in him but he fought it down like he had done it every day of the past year to survive. Maybe it was time he should stop to simply survive and start to live.
“I am Adam.” His voice sounded raw and croaked from months of only being used for screaming. Despite his fear nothing happened. No pain. No burning white light. Nothing. Well, except for a genuine smile. The one he had started to love so much in the year he had spend with Chuck. And as always he couldn't resist the urge to return it.
“Nice to meet you Adam.” Chuck answered warm and affectionate before he pressed a soft kiss to Adam's mouth.
