in the name of the Father (4/5); Lucifer/Gabriel

[cashay]

chapter four
the experts at the fall

Gabriel had hung there, not knowing how long he had already been left alone in the dark. His arms had gone numb as had most of his body. But he was used to it by now, the long time he had spent on the rack had taught him that this was actually one of the more pleasant sensations he would feel here.

Even though he had to admit that the way Lucifer had touched him so gently had been nice. It had reminded him of them, together, a long time ago. It wasn't anything he wanted to deal with right now. This was his past and if he was honest he just wanted to forget it. There was a reason he had fled from heaven after all.

But apparently they couldn't let him be and now he was stuck here, at the mercy of a brother who hated him and in this stupid war even though he had never wanted to be a part of it. Well, he wasn't a part now, more an unwilling observer. And maybe this was worse. Because he couldn't do a fucking thing to help anyone. The only thing he could do was hang here on that fucking rack, being told all the wonderful stories of Hell's success by Lucifer.

And he couldn't even believe they were lies. Because Lucifer didn't lie. And even though Lucifer had fallen and a lot about him had changed, this was one thing that would never change. He told the truth. A trait that made his threats all the more intimidating. Because they weren't really threats, they were promises.

So what did Lucifer want with him? Pull him onto his side? It was a possibility. But by the way he had hold him in bed, possessive and relaxed at the same time, he guessed there was something else Lucifer wanted. And this was so not happening. He was an Archangel himself damn it! And he wouldn't be some sort of trophy Lucifer had gotten himself, an angel in bed for him to fuck whenever he pleased.

Even the thought of that hurt. He knew it shouldn't. Nothing his brother did should hurt him anymore, he had suffered so much at his hands, he knew how twisted Lucifer had become. But still he felt his guts clench at the thought of Lucifer seeing him in that way.

This was stupid and Gabriel knew it. Damn it, why wasn't he able to cut loose from the brother who had hurt him so much? Why was he still so attached to him? Feeling hurt by every cruel action of the angel he had once shared his nest with. It wasn't even the physical pain that bothered him. He had been through his fair share of that in the past thousands of years.

Whoever thought angels couldn't feel pain was full of bullshit. They could feel pain, just like humans could. Only they weren't so affected by it, it took more to hurt an angel. And they really were good at not acknowledging the pain, because physical pain didn't really matter for an angel.

What mattered was the kind of pain Lucifer inflicted in Gabriel, even though he shouldn't be able to do it. The mental pain. The way his soul squirmed whenever he saw the cruelty in his beloved brother's eyes. Angels were made for love and loyalty. Even though most of the humans who recently had had contact with the Host would probably deny that and say they were really just dicks.

That was probably true too. But most of all, they were loyal and loved unconditionally. The other side of this was, that everyone on the bad side of the receiver of said loyalty was in for a not so nice time. And most of the angels were loyal to Michael, now that God had left. Their father leaving them behind had probably ripped a hole even bigger than the war had.

Because ever since then, the angels had been twisted in some way. Gabriel had sensed it the few times he had allowed himself to spy on his family. The war had ripped apart too many things, a bit like Lucifer had ripped apart his Grace. Only in Heaven there had been no one to heal and save them. They had been alone. Their Father already had left them and there was nothing that could ever fill that void.

So even though angels were uncaring about pain inflicted on their vessels, no matter how much they felt it, they were far more receptive for emotional hurt than humans could ever be. Broken trust hurt more than a broken bone and Gabriel knew that from far too much experience.

The first one to ever hurt him in that way had been Lucifer, as he left him, not caring about his protests and pleas. And Gabriel had been unable to go with him, had been unable to forsake his family, even for the brother he loved best. But after too much betrayal, far too much pain, he had left himself. He had withdrawn from everyone, to protect himself.

And now he was here, at Lucifer's mercy and he was hurting all over again. It wasn't the way Lucifer sliced his flesh that made him scream inside, it was the fact, that it was Lucifer, his brother, hurting him. And that was his problem. He just loved him. Even after everything that had happened he just loved him far too much to ever not be hurt by Lucifer finding delight in torturing him.

Gabriel dreaded Lucifer's return, dreaded the gentle touches and the pain he would inflict on him. He dreaded all of this, trying to free his Grace, struggling against the bonds Lucifer had put around his power. But just like all the other times he had no chance to free himself.

A small sob was heard as he let his head hang in defeat. Gestures and sounds he would never allow himself if Lucifer was around. He was too proud, too stubborn to give him that satisfaction. He would fight until finally he was dead, he wouldn't falter and there was no chance to run this time, right?

Nowhere he could flee to and no one who would look for him. He was really and utterly alone. The thought was crashing him and he felt his Grace pulling even tighter together as if to warm itself. He never had thought about his loneliness. Had filled it with fantasy woman and cheap tricks to punish some stupid humans. He had buried his true, Archangel form so deep inside of him, that he had really forgotten it.

For a time there had only been the Trickster and yes, he had been happy. Really happy, even though he only had become this happy through a lie he still felt it. And then the Winchesters had to show up and had to drag his angelic side out again. His vulnerable side, the part of him that was being hurt so easily by his older brother.

A being that was utterly alone. No one really cared for him. No one knew who he was. He had been alone for so long he had learned to ignore the desire for company. Because angels weren't meant to be alone.

Another small sob freed itself and Gabriel had to fight hard to keep in the tears. He couldn't - wouldn't - cry, because Lucifer would see it if he had. And he wouldn't give him that victory either. No matter how devastated, lonely and broken he felt he would never give in. Something in him had surged up, reminding him who he was, giving him the strength to fight back the defiance once more.

This strong, stubborn part of himself was pulsing now, fueled by a fire he didn't even know he had anymore. It was something as familiar as his Grace. The feeling of pride, of refusal to give in. The determination to never, ever give up.

His will was strong, stronger maybe than even he realized. Every time he thought he had had enough he had found the strength in himself to go on, to force himself to cross his boundaries one more time. Like he had found it now, unknown strength creeping into him, filling the voids that Lucifer had left. They didn't make him feel better, but they filled him with determination.

Gabriel really had a stubborn side, he had his pride and he had his will, a will strong enough to survive. A will strong enough to leave behind everything he knew and loved, to tell his father he could screw himself and His plans for Gabriel – even though he never had gotten an answer. A will strong enough to get him through all the hardships he had endured.

And no one, not even Lucifer, would break the will of Gabriel, the Archangel.

~*~

Gabriel had actually managed to fall into a light sleep, forced into it by exhaustion. He would have rather stayed awake, waiting for Lucifer to return, but with his Grace restrained he had certain human weaknesses to deal with too.

Besides sleep there was hunger, not the hunger he knew because this had actually been more appetite since Archangels didn't need to eat. But now his body was screaming at him, that he needed food, needed water. Gabriel had just tuned it out, like he had done with the pain. Because there was nothing he could do about it, since he obviously couldn't move much.

So the only thing he could do for his body was sleep. Not that he really decided to do that either, because sleeping when every minute the devil could come back to do whatever was in his sick mind was so not cool. But even though Gabriel really had wanted to stay awake, his body had had other plans.

It wasn't blows or cuts or bites that woke him like the many times his older brother had forced him to return from unconsciousness with pain and violence. This time it was gentle strokes along his cheeks, Sam's fingers caressing along his cheekbone, following the lines of his faces with such gentleness Gabriel automatically tried to keep himself from waking.

Such gentleness didn't belong to his world anymore, never would again. But he couldn't stay asleep as the fingers stroked over his cheek only to tangle in his hair for a moment and then move slower, massaging his cramped neck. A low sigh escaped him before he could keep stop himself, jerking him awake for good, his eyes flying open.

Because damn it, he knew where he was and making such noises while Lucifer was with him wasn't part of the plan. The plan was being stubborn and giving him a hard time. Well, as hard as it was possible while being all tied up.

“Don't touch me!” he hissed, trying to jerk his head back but as he had noticed earlier, he could hardly move. He blinked hastily, trying to see better in the dark so he could try and read Lucifer's face. Mostly he really didn't hide anything so he would be able to see how bad it was going to get. He wasn't sure if he wanted to though.

The low chuckle wasn't as cold as it should have been and Lucifer's hand just tightened its grip on Gabriel's neck but it didn't hurt – not yet anyway. The way Lucifer was looking at him was... different from all the times he had looked at him before. There was no rage, no hate, no joy in the fear and pain he inflicted. He looked almost pained himself, caring and a little bit worried. This was wrong on so many levels.

“Don't. Touch. Me,” Gabriel repeated, force creeping in his voice, a commanding tone that wasn't compliant with his current situation but he didn't give a fuck. He put as much power behind every word as it was possible but Lucifer just shook his head slightly, starting to pet Gabriel's hair again.

The fact that he was not speaking was making Gabriel uneasy. It was his part to be silent and stubborn while Lucifer threatened, insulted and humiliated him. Apparently today the devil wasn't all that much into talking. That couldn't be good – right? And the tender way he was massaging his scalp now could only mean it would hurt that much more in the end.

It took all he had not to press into the touch, savor the feeling. It was much harder than ignoring the pain. Because pain he was used to and could deal with. He had been deprived of any kind of intimacy for so long he was basically drooling over it.

It wasn't that he had no one he had been intimate with. But he had never been able to show himself, to allow someone to see who he really was, what he really needed. All the time the people he had been with had been in love with something that wasn't even real.

But Lucifer knew him from the inside out – literally. He knew his needs, his fears. Well, at least he had known him once. Things had changed – a lot – since Lucifer had left him behind, abandoning him.

His Grace curled into itself as Gabriel remembered the feeling of loneliness as his older brother had left him alone without even a second thought. Rebelling against their Father and just leaving them, leaving him. And Lucifer was talking about being betrayed...

A small hiss captured his attention and he looked at the devil questioningly with a wary expression. What was Lucifer hissing at? He hadn't let slip any witty comment or hit him. Because as much as he wanted to he couldn't even do that, much less hit him which he really felt like doing every time his twisted big brother came near him.

Lucifer quickly shook his head, leaving Gabriel to wonder even more. But the way he was petting his head had gotten tenderer and suddenly Gabriel found himself encircled by the older angels arm, pulled into him firmly. He tried to bring his body to shy away, but even though he hated himself for it, he felt somehow content. And since he hadn't much choice anyway he could as well just be still.

The next thing he new the ropes and chains were gone and he was on the bed he had woken up in once already, encircled in Lucifer's arms who pulled him close, Gabriel's head safely tucked away under his chin.

For one moment Gabriel was just too shocked to react. A thousand thoughts racing through his head at the feeling. This was wrong in so many ways. Lucifer shouldn't be like this. And it really, really shouldn't feel that good to be in his arms again after he had sworn himself never to give in to one of his selfish, thoughtless brothers again. But it did.

The good feeling was washed away, as was the confusion as realization hit him. This was Lucifer who was holding him and no matter how good it felt it wasn't. This was wrong. This was just another way of Lucifer trying to lure him into whatever he wanted from him. But he wouldn't.

Gabriel felt his Grace tighten a bit as he realized that Lucifer was ruthless enough to use their past in this way, but he pushed the feeling aside, as he had done so often before with countless other feelings. And not only was he pushing away his thoughts, he was also trying to push away Lucifer.

He was kicking, trying to punch, trying to grab Lucifer's arms and peel them away from himself. His teeth sank into Lucifer's shoulder. He was biting down hard at it, trying to hurt him as much as humanly possible. Lucifer let out another hiss, but he didn't let go, no matter how hard Gabriel tried. He just looked down at him, speaking soothing words that Gabriel couldn't hear. Didn't want to hear.

The Archangel drove himself near exhaustion trying to fight of his older brother. It was as futile as a child trying to move a mountain. Which didn't mean that he stopped at the realization. But his punches grew weaker, his bites lacked force. His face was smeared with Lucifer's blood and he could taste the copper heavily in his mouth.

But being without sleep and food and even more important without a real connection to his Grace made his body weak. He soon was unable to put up a real fight, he could only lie there, exhausted and desperate. His Grace was recoiling again, afraid of the hurt and punishment he was sure he would receive.

There was a sharp hiss, but it wasn't Gabriel's voice. It was Lucifer's – again – and as Gabriel looked up, stubborn determination on his face, he was sure to see guilt and pain in the devil's face for a moment before the emotions were gone again.

“Stop this,” he hissed instead, tightening his grip on Gabriel which made him want to fight him all over again. This was so wrong and even though a part of him craved being close to someone again he pushed it back violently. This was wrong. The man holding him was Lucifer. The one person who he had loved with all his heart and who had abandoned him.

Plus he was the devil and had probably killed everyone Gabriel had ever cared about. “I'll stop when you stop,” he announced, trying to move away again, to underline his words even though his attempts weren't going to do much good.

Just as he had thought, Lucifer's arms didn't move away. He kept his grip just as tight, keeping Gabriel in place with physical power and his will. “You're not going to go anywhere little brother,” he promised, almost sounding caring but all Gabriel could do was chuckle dryly as he watched Lucifer intensely, allowing some of his pagan part to come out, all wicked teasing.

“Are you that desperate to get laid Luci?”

His grin just widened as Lucifer hissed again, looking at him angrily. He knew there were a thousand different emotions that he really needed to deal with, but he couldn't face them. Not right now. So he fled to hiding behind his mocking side, letting provoking Lucifer take of the edge of all the pain and confusing feelings he had.

A surprised yelp escaped him, as suddenly he found a hard hand in his hair, gripping it brutally. He felt fear surge through him, making his Grace tighten all over again. A low growl made him shiver, but the grip of Lucifer lightened and his voice sounded controlled, even though on the edge as he answered Gabriel. “No I'm not,” he forced out.

Gabriel barked out a laugh, glaring up at the devil, not giving in into his fears. Lucifer would soon realize how much better it would have been if he would have just killed him. Because Gabriel would do his best to make him miserable. And since he didn't care if he lived or died, even preferred the last, there was nothing his older brother could threaten him with. “Really? Cause you look damn desperate to me bro.”

He felt more than saw the blow coming and he didn't even have time to flinch back before it collided with his jaw. The strength of the blow made him lose consciousness for a moment, but the bliss of the darkness only lasted for a few seconds before it was lost again and Gabriel found himself face to face with a cold looking Lucifer. “Didn't I tell you to watch your mouth?” he hissed.

The threat wasn't missed by Gabriel, but there was nothing his brother could do to him to hurt him any more than he had already done. He felt a strange laughter building until he couldn't hold it, just laughing in Lucifer's face like he was crazy. And for a short moment he wondered whether he had indeed started to go crazy.

There was another blow, as hard as the last one and it made Gabriel choke, tasting more blood because he had bitten his tongue – hard. But this didn't stop the laughter coming out of him. A desperate, empty laughter that held no joy, only pain and loneliness.

He focused his eyes on his older brother, never allowing his gaze to waver. The expression on the older angel's face startled him though. There was worry edged in it. Real worry and something very close to sorrow. This strangled his laughter, shutting him up as he watched his elder brother with unsure eyes. "Stop it."

It took him a minute to realize this was his own voice he was hearing there shallow and pained. Lucifer cocked his head, the way he was looking at Gabriel intensified as he took in everything he could about the Archangel. But in opposition to Lucifer Gabriel could lie and guard his face. So everything he saw after the few seconds it had taken Gabriel to pull himself together was a blank face.

"Stop what Gabriel?" Lucifer asked him. His voice was a low purr and Gabriel couldn't hold back the shiver that ran down his spine. He felt anger at his body for betraying him like this.

The hand that had delivered the blows only moments ago was now slowly stroking his reddening cheeks, ignoring Gabriel futile attempts to get away. He could try all he wanted but just as before it was evident that Lucifer wouldn't let him go. Another shiver ran down Gabriel's spine but now it was fear that had provoked it. The fear at the thought that maybe, Lucifer really wasn't going to let him go ever. He couldn't be at the mercy of his older brother for eternity.

Forming a snarky reply to Lucifer's question was all he could do to keep himself from panicking. "Stop being a perv, bro. Rape some of your demons for a change." This seemed to have hit home, even though Gabriel really was surprised by that. This was Lucifer damn it and his retort hadn't been all that witty. But who could blame him?

Instead of letting go or hitting him again Lucifer pulled him closer, which made Gabriel stiffen, rebuilding strength for his next attempt to get free from that monster. Or at least get killed because there was no way in Hell he was going to stay here forever. Well, there probably was but he forbade himself to think about it.

"Stop it Lucifer," he hissed again, his voice weaker, a bit of fear and his stubbornness mixed within. "Domestic really isn't your thing." A low chuckle followed his words, but to Gabriel's surprise it didn't sound all that threatening. He was being surprised a lot by Lucifer lately.

He felt the head of his older brother move, lips brushing against his temples before they settled on his ears. "How would you know?" Lucifer whispered before lightly biting down on Gabriel's earlobe. This silenced Gabriel effectively. He didn't know what to do about this, even less think about it. This was wrong on so many levels he had already lost count.

"I just know." Oh great, that was a good reply! Gabriel mocked himself for this lame attempt at backtalking to Lucifer. He could do much better. "I mean c'mon big bro, you're the devil," he grinned the grin of the pagan god that had protected him from most things for a very long time. "Plus you didn't act all that nice the last few... weeks." He stumbled over the last word, because he honestly couldn't tell how long he had been here. It could have been days. Could've been weeks, month, years. You kinda lost the focus when you were tortured all the time.

"Oh wait," he declared in mock astonishment. "This has to be considered courting in Hell." He shook his head, looking up at Lucifer, his gaze never once faltering. "But I have to tell you Luci - now that you are back on Earth and all - you won't seduce many with that attitude. Torturing isn't really considered expressing your interest. Well at least not if you aren't a sadistic, crackbrained psycho."

He looked at him his eyes widening in fake surprise. He really did his best to get past all this emotional crap, torture really didn't sound like such a bad idea after all. Because this Lucifer was way more scary than the one that had nearly killed him on the rack. "Wait. I forgot. You are a sadistic, crackbrained psycho."

The whole time Lucifer had watched him patiently, a wry smile on his face that never even so much as wavered. Now he started stroking through Gabriel's hair again and the affection he saw in his older brother's eyes scared Gabriel more than any torture could have done. "You needed punishment," he declared.

There was this laughter breaking free again. The one that definitely sounded like all kinds of crazy. It took him a few minutes before he got himself pulled together and was able to glare at Lucifer again. "Punishment?" he asked, his voice quiet now that the crazy laugh had died down. "I thought I was clear enough on that."

All of his trickster attitude was gone and the Archangel was back, full force. Without his Grace Gabriel was still a very impressive being, despite his height or his looks. He radiated danger and power and a promise of something as painful as what Lucifer had inflicted on him for anyone who angered him. Gabriel was the Angel of Judgment after all.

"You were the one who left." His voice was as stern and cold as his gaze. Betraying his weak and fragile state, the fact that he was at Lucifer's mercy. "If anyone has deserved punishment it's you, not me."

The silence that followed on those words was more unsettling than threats or curses could have been. It was as if Lucifer was waiting for... something to happen. Maybe for Gabriel to realize something. His eyes never once left Gabriel's face while one of his hands still cupped his head, fingers tangling into his hair to tug lightly only to let go again.

“I already have been punished.” Gabriel had been so lost in Lucifer's eyes that the sudden sound of his voice startled him. He blinked a few times, trying to refocus and process what Lucifer had just told him.

“You already have been punished?” he asked, forgetting the hostility to his older brother for once and allowing his curiosity to show.

Lucifer snorted, looking disappointed. Gabriel guessed it was because Gabriel hadn't found out or noticed whatever Lucifer had wanted him to notice. Somehow it satisfied him, that he hadn't pleased the devil in any way, but that was overridden by curiosity to know what Lucifer meant when he said he already had been punished.

“The Cage." Lucifer looked pained, Gabriel could feel his body stiffening just saying the two words and it was hard not to feel a little bit sorry for his brother. But he managed.

“Boohoo, Daddy locked you away. Poor Lucifer, I'm sure you really felt lonely down there. Should've used the time to think for a change.”

He didn't really felt like mocking him since the pain was clearly edged into Lucifer's features but he had forced himself to do it anyway, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to keep himself from feeling sorry for his older brother. But feeling sorry for Lucifer was something he could not allow himself to do. It would make it far too easy to manipulate him.

There was a loud snarl and Gabriel felt himself being forced into the mattress. His older brother towered over him, his eyes seemed to be on fire, his Grace nearly pouring out of his vessel through them. Fear grabbed Gabriel like every time he saw his brother this angry, even though he tried to fight it. “You have no idea.”

His voice was ringing in Gabriel's ears, thunderous like a storm that was about to rip everything apart. Which was probably what he would do. “No one of you has any idea what the Cage was like. You do not know what our Father is really like.”

“But you do?” Maybe he should have shut his mouth but he didn't, rather talked even more. He was weaker than Lucifer, without his Grace there was no way he could really harm him. At least physically. He could hurt with words though, trying to make him angry, wound him. The only way for him to do any damage.

“I will show you the love of our Father!”

There was so much venom in the word love, it was hard for Gabriel not to shudder. Whatever happened to him must have been horrible to turn the caring, loving big brother Gabriel had known into this twisted monster. And for the first time he was truly scared of what was to come.

Being tortured was something he could manage. Even the horrors of his Grace being ripped apart was a horror that wouldn't break him anymore, no matter how much he feared it. But whatever Lucifer intended to do to him was what had broken him, Lucifer, the bravest, strongest, kindest, most defiant angel Gabriel had ever known.

How could that not break him? Even though he managed to keep his feelings hidden inside of him his Grace recoiled. It curled protectively around his soul, reacting instinctively to the looming threats.

And like he was reacting to his Grace Lucifer's arms tightened around him. He pressed light kisses to the top of his head and Gabriel couldn't resist pressing closer. Because he was afraid and there was still a faint bit of the connection they had once shared, despite everything they had done to each other.

“I'm sorry little brother. I'm so sorry,” Lucifer whispered into his hair. “But I have to show you. You have to understand.” He sounded like he meant it, he sounded sorry, heartbroken, devastated. But Gabriel didn't trust him, he had no reason to do so. No reason to ever believe him again.

It was hard though, not believing. Lucifer held him so tightly, hands stroking tenderly over his skin. His face was buried in Gabriel's hair, breath harsh and raw with emotions. But what mad it hardest was Lucifer's Grace.

Even though his own was restrained he could faintly sense that Lucifer's was curling around him, holding him in a cocoon of safety and light. At least that had been the feeling when Lucifer had done it before his fall. Now it would probably feel cold and frightening, but he remembered and so did Lucifer what it had been like so long ago.

For a brief moment Gabriel wished his Grace was free so he could press against Lucifer, mingle his Grace with the older angel. He pushed the wish aside forcefully. This wasn't anything he should wish for. Lucifer was the enemy. He was the bad guy. But he was still Gabriel's brother. Gabriel loved him, would always love him. No matter what Lucifer did or would do it wouldn't change that one constant in his life.

He hadn't been able to hate Lucifer when he fell. He had hurt but he had still loved him and hadn't been able to join forces with Michael as much as he hadn't been able to follow Lucifer. He didn't hate him now either, regardless of what Lucifer had done to him.

Sometimes he hated him. He really did, but it was never for long and soon the hate was replaced by love and sadness. By longing. Oh how much he longed for Lucifer's touch, for the feeling of his beautiful Grace. For something even if it was just a glimpse of the bond and love they had shared in heaven. For his family to be whole again and not torn apart and broken like it was now.

“What are you going to do to me?” Gabriel asked quietly, trying to keep the fear out of his voice. He nearly managed, there was only a small trembling audible and Gabriel hoped Lucifer didn't notice. If he did Lucifer didn't let it show. “I'm going to show you what it was like.”

Lucifer held him more tightly and after a brief hesitation Gabriel gave in to his desire to be close to Lucifer. He buried his head in Lucifer's chest, inhaling his scent and dwelling in the familiar smell that was closer to home than Gabriel had felt in a long time. His hands clenched in the fabric of Lucifer's shirt, holding on instead of pushing away.

“The Cage?” he whispered, barely audible. He was sure Lucifer had heard him by the way the older angel's body tensed up and by the tender kiss that was placed on the top of his head.

“Yes.” Lucifer's voice sounded grave and Gabriel wondered if he would see regret and pain on the devil's face if he looked up.

“Don't,” he whispered, a pleading edge to his voice, forgetting for one moment that this was Lucifer the devil and not Lucifer the Archangel. But he was reminded of the fact as the hand tightened on his neck, gripping him painfully tight, nails drawing blood.

Suddenly Lucifer's mouth was against his ear, growling deep in his chest. Gabriel could feel the rumble coming from the older angel's body and tried to jerk away out of reflex. Lucifer didn't let him though, his growl becoming louder and more threatening. “I will do what I have to do. You will not question me.”

Gabriel had to bite back a whimper, fear searing through him but there was also the defiance that had been his companion for so long. Too long maybe but he wasn't about to let it go. “No one makes us do anything.” He forced a reckless grin on his face, eyes sparkling with stubborn resistance. “Besides, you do know I'm not one of your lapdog demons right? You can shove your alpha male attitude right up your ass Luci. It's not gonna get you anywhere with me.”

It was strange how fast Lucifer could change. It seemed a simple word or gesture was enough to make him go from tender and pained to pure rage. Gabriel managed to provoke those changes with a scary frequency but that was just him. He was a teasing, provoking asshole if he wanted to be and he was fairly sure he did want to make Lucifer explode.

“Quiet!” Lucifer growled actually biting into Gabriel's ear. He would have made a sound or cursed but he found himself unable to speak, no matter how much he wanted to throw every insult he knew at him. And boy he knew many insults. Apparently Lucifer decided that restricting his Grace wasn't enough anymore and he should now render him mute too. Awesome.

But Gabriel wasn't sure he would be his usual snarky self even if he could speak. Those intimate moments between them had startled him. It wasn't supposed to happen. They were supposed to hate each others guts or at least pretend to. What they were definitely not supposed to do was lying on a bed like lovers, curled around each other in a way they hadn't for so long. He had noticed that he thought a lot about what he was supposed to do or think lately after not giving a rat's ass about what anyone wanted him to do for millennia.

But Lucifer unsettled him. He couldn't forgive him for abandoning him and, well, torturing him wasn't a Brownie point either, but there were those short glimpses of the real Lucifer, the old Lucifer, that made him somehow lose his wit. He wondered if Lucifer was as startled at he was. But unlike old times he couldn't read Lucifer anymore so he was left with speculating.

His older brother stared down at him with those cold and calculating eyes which always reminded Gabriel that this was not his Lucifer. He was angry at himself for wavering so much. One moment he felt like he could maybe some day forgive Lucifer and keep him close and the next moment he just wanted to fight against him with all his might.

It was probably the fact that he had abandoned his family for so long that one little glimpse was enough to make him go weak. That didn't mean he had to like it. In the end it didn't change anything. They were just reminders of something that was long lost and when they disappeared again they made Gabriel just fight even harder.

Not that he could really fight all that much since he was human right now, at least regarding his strength. And Lucifer was the freaking most powerful Archangel and he had killed Michael and there was nothing - nothing - Gabriel could do, no matter how much he hated himself for it.

All he could do was stare in those cold eyes with a look that hopefully didn't show his despair and all the other things he didn't want Lucifer to know but rather the challenge to try and break him for real this time. He had been pretty close he had to admit as Lucifer had torn his Grace apart but he had pulled himself back together as his wish to die had been denied.

As Lucifer closed his eyes for a brief second Gabriel knew that he had come to a decision. He probably wouldn't like it. He noticed the sadness in Lucifer's eyes and was suddenly very sure he wouldn't like it.

His fallen brother moved away from him, standing and looking down for a second before turning away. As soon as Lucifer's back was to him Gabriel tried to move so he could start another futile attempt to hurt Lucifer. Well maybe he could at least piss him of.

Apparently Lucifer had known Gabriel would try something like that since the Archangel found he couldn't move. That sucked. But what sucked even more were the four rings Lucifer suddenly held in his hand. Crap. This meant he was really going to see the Cage from the inside.

Forcing himself not to panic Gabriel struggled against the bonds that held him down but without his Grace he didn't stand a chance against his brother's will and even if it had been free he wasn't sure he would have had even a snowball's chance in hell against a pissed off Lucifer.

His heartbeat quickened until Gabriel was sure it would leap out of his chest if that was possible. Somehow he was glad that he couldn't speak because he wasn't sure if he would have begged Lucifer to stop it or insulted him in every possible way. He hoped it wouldn't have been the first but the though of being stuck in the Cage terrified him.

This thing was the most horrible thing that existed. Gabriel was pretty sure that even the demons would be scared shitless if they would be thrown into it. Hell had to be a cakewalk in comparison to that. It had to be since it had broken Lucifer. Gabriel refused to think that maybe it hadn't been the Cage, that maybe Lucifer had changed on his own.

With a loud metallic sound the rings fell to the ground. Gabriel flinched in response to that, cringing and fighting against his restraints no matter how futile the attempt was. Lucifer looked at him, the cold had been replaced by sorrow once more and for one stupid moment Gabriel hoped against all reason that Lucifer wouldn't do it.

“Bvtmon Tabges Babalon.”

Gabriel's hopes were crushed as Lucifer recited those words. The ground opened up where the rings had touched it and even from the where he lay helpless on the bed Gabriel could feel the pull of the opening they had created.

Lucifer turned around, hair waving in the wind, his eyes still filled with sorrow. Gabriel really wished he could move to at least pull Lucifer into the depth of Hell with him. Instead he lay there, unmoving, eyes fixed on his brother as he walked towards him with firm steps, his gaze not wavering once.

As he towered over him Gabriel forced himself to hold Lucifer's gaze and not let his fear show. If those were the last moments of his life he wouldn't spend in some horrible place he sure as hell wouldn't spend them in fear or with begging. He would stay defiant.

He was a bit startled by the tender way Lucifer picked him up but he fought his longing and hope down. Now was neither the place nor the time to get lost in memories again.

With every step Lucifer brought him closer to the Cage and Gabriel could feel its pull getting stronger. It was as much on the physical plane as it was on one far beyond. Even with his Grace not working properly Gabriel could feel the danger, the suction that pulled his soul to it as much as his body.

The entrance to the Cage was like a hungry predator lurking for his prey to be stupid enough and come too close. Whatever was beyond it, it already reached out to touch him, making Gabriel shiver even if he wasn't really able to feel it.

Though his senses were concentrated on the Cage reaching out to take a hold of him his sight was set on Lucifer's face. Lucifer, who shouldn't look that damn pained. It was his decision to show Gabriel as he had called it. He shouldn't feel sorry, he shouldn't feel bad. He was the devil for fuck's sake! He should mock him and laugh him in the face before throwing him into damnation without care.

Everything would be better than this pained face full of fucking sorrow. Everything! Gabriel couldn't deal with a Lucifer that didn't make sense right now and he wanted to scream at him, hit him, drag him into the Cage with him but he couldn't. Couldn't even really glare at him because he didn't know what to feel.

Lucifer stopped and Gabriel was suddenly aware they had reached the edge of the hole that was a direct entrance to the deepest part of Hell. The pull had become nearly irresistible and it seemed like the Cage sang to him, begged him to enter.

Before he could get lost in the voice of the Cage or freak out even further Lucifer captured his attention again by pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. His eyes showed pain as Gabriel met them. The pain of a being that had seen too much, had suffered far too much for far too long. “I'm sorry love,” he whispered before he pressed his lips to Gabriel's in a bittersweet kiss that said more than words ever could.

Lucifer let go and Gabriel felt the Cage pulling him down into its relentless grasp, no word leaving his mouth while his soul screamed in fear.

chapter 5